


Stay in the dark

by 31lostie13



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kabby, Pain, Thelo goes crazy, Torture, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-08-19 22:26:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8226740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/31lostie13/pseuds/31lostie13
Summary: Post season 3.“Marcus, no matter who wears the pin, we're in this together.”He smiled at her, she was the best thing that ever happened to him.“Always.”





	1. Come back for me

“I knew I would find you here.”  
Abby stood in the door of the chancellor office, a smile graced her face. Marcus looked up, plans and reports were lying all over the table. He smiled back and stood up.  
“I thought we wouldn't see each other before the election. Shouldn't you be in medical?”  
“Marcus, do you even know what time it is? The election is now.”  
He looked confused and she started to laugh. She asked herself if he would ever give himself a rest from all the work.  
“I don't know how that happened, I-” he started but Abby interrupted him.  
“You work too much, maybe that's why?”  
She stood in front of him and pulled him closer. He gave her a short kiss.  
“It won't matter who will becoming chancellor. It won't change things, right?”  
“It won't.”  
“Because-” She kissed him. There was no reason for his concern.  
“Marcus, no matter who wears the pin, we're in this together.”  
He smiled at her, she was the best thing that ever happened to him.  
“Always.”  
She kissed him again. This time, it lasted longer and after a while he pulled back, still smiling.  
“We'll have plenty of time for that after the election. Come on, we have to go now.”

They walked down the halls of Arkadia, hand in hand. After Pike had died, they managed it to run the camp together, temporary. Until now. Now was the election and Marcus and Abby were the only candidates. Nobody wanted to be a participant. Nobody wanted to have other people as participants. No bad surprises. Not this time. This time there were only two options. Marcus or Abby. 

~

They turned into the next hallway as he felt something cold in his left side of his stomach. He looked up, right into Thelonious' eyes. His hand left Abby's who stood next to him, petrified. After a second Thelonious pulled the knife out of Marcus, turned him around and held the knife to his throat. Marcus' hands went to Thelonious' arm, his shirt started to turn red.  
“I didn't expect you to be together, a minute before the election.” He looked like he had to think for a moment, then he smiled bitterly. “I should've.”  
Abby immediately put her hands up. “Thelonious, please, put the knife down.”  
He started to laugh, then he shook his head.  
“Go inside.” He nodded to the next door. She knew whose room it was.  
They stepped inside. Everything was at its place. The sheets were made, the books in line. Just a shirt hung over the chair and some papers laid across the table. Marcus' quarters. It was a room no one entered. A room where only Marcus and Abby had access to. Not because nobody could enter but nobody would. Nobody would dare to disturb them at such a private place. Until now. One of Thelonious' hands went to his back and he pulled one pair of handcuffs out of his pants. He threw it to Abby.  
“Go to the pipeline on the wall, cuff yourself to it.”  
“No, he needs help. Please, I need to-”  
“Do it!” Marcus breathed in sharply as he pulled the knife closer.  
“Ok, ok, I'm doing it.” She looked at Marcus as she cuffed herself to the wall, not as tight as she could. His lightly tanned skin started to go pale.  
“Abby, do you think I'm a fool? Close them right!” She did what he told her and sat there, helpless, she couldn't do anything. Marcus looked at her, the blood making its way through the fabric and she could make out a few droplets on his throat. 

“Thelonious, what do you want?” Marcus' voice was hoarse, the knife was getting its way through his flesh. Thelonious kicked him into the hollow of the knee, pulled a gun out of his pants while turning to his front and hit him in his face with the end of the gun. He fell hard, his head hit the ground. His moans accompanied by blood running down his mouth. He couldn't move, he was just lying there, catching his breath. The sweat started running down his body.  
“Stop, Thelonious!” She tried to free herself, but she couldn't even move more than a few centimetres away from the wall.  
“Shut up, Abby!” His words were firm, not too loud in case there would be other people on the hallway who were late. But nobody was there, nobody who could come for help. They were alone. Three people who were friends. Members of the council, who fought for what's right. But this was a different time, different circumstances. Now there were two people who just wanted to keep their people safe, one of them almost chancellor. The leader of the guard and the chief of medical. Friends, lovers, hostages. Hostages of a man who went crazy after he helped an AI to take over peoples' minds.  
Marcus was now lying on his back, his hands on his wound. Thelonious left his gun just a few feet away.  
“What I don't want, Marcus, is you as a chancellor.” He leaned over Marcus, one hand turning his head so their eyes met. “Because you don't deserve it.”

“You caused more pain than anybody else here. Almost everyone lost someone here, Marcus. Because of you.” Marcus looked at Abby. She shook her head slowly, to tell him that he shouldn't listen to him. “I know that I was a part of it, too. But I tried to free everyone. We had a chance to live without the pain. The pain you caused. But I failed. I can't let this happen again. You understand that, right? I mean I saved your life, more than once. As you tried to kill yourself in Polis, I should've let you die. But I gave you a chance to make something better. So it is my fault. And I have to atone for my mistakes. For my people.”  
His right hand wandered to Marcus' face and he flinched under his touch as he turned his head so their eyes could meet again.  
“Because they deserve a respectable leader, don't you think?”  
Thelonius put his left hand on his right side to add pressure to the wound. Marcus let out a quiet moan, but he gave his best to keep it back. For Abby. And he wouldn't let Thelonious win just like that. He wasn't the type of a guy who gave up easily. But Thelonious continued.  
“Who likes you anyway? One of the kids? You locked them up, every single one of them. You floated the mother of the Blakes. You think they forgot? You floated Jake, do you think Abby and Clarke forgot?”  
“Don't listen to him, Marcus. That's not true and you know that. Thelonious, you were chancellor. You did all those things, not Marcus!”  
“But he voted. He knows that I'm right anyway.”  
Something changed in Marcus' expression. He was right. He did those things. And he hated himself for that. 

“And I redeemed myself. He didn't.”  
“You weren't here.” Thelonious' head turned to Abby. “He did. Over and over again. Everyone had built themselves a life on the ground. You're the one who brought back the pain. You forced people to join you. You tortured your own people. Friends.”  
“Because you couldn't see what's best for you. I could. And I still can.”  
She couldn't believe that he was really thinking that all of this was the truth. Everything he said was ridiculous.  
“I don't know what happened to you but I know that you're completely insane.”  
He smiled and turned back to Marcus.  
“Do you really think that she loves you? Do you think she can? After everything you've done? If I hadn't been there, she would be dead. You wanted to kill her. You think she forgave you?”  
He pushed the right buttons. He could see it in Marcus' eyes. He had him. Of course. He always tried to keep it down, he was another man on the ark. But that didn't mean that it was not his fault. Abby could see the change of his expression too.  
“No, don't believe him! I did and you know that, Marcus!”  
“All the things you've done, do you think you can get past this?! You killed so many people, Marcus. If you hadn't pushed, the 320 people wouldn't have died that day. Innocent people, parents, workers. All dead. Because you pushed.”

His hand went down to Marcus leg, where he let the knife dive into his thigh. Marcus gasped, his hands turning into fists, trying to ease the pain.  
“You're sick, Thelonious! Marcus, look at me. Don't listen to him, he-”  
She stopped as the brown eyes, which looked at her, turned even darker. Thelonious had twisted the knife in his thigh. He started to scream but a second later a hand covered his mouth. Tears were running down his cheeks, but his eyes didn't leave hers. She was the one who kept him alive, made the pain bearable. She began to cry too.  
“Please, Thelonious! I will do everything you ask for, but please, stop!”  
Marcus stopped screaming and Thelonious pulled his hand back and the knife out of him.  
“You're stronger than I thought.”  
He stood up and moved to his right side. He put his right knee on his right chest side with all his strength, which wasn't little, he was a heavy person. They could hear two rips cracking under the pressure.  
He was gasping for air, his eyes left hers. She never saw him in that much pain. Not even on the cross. And he tried to hide it as much as he could, she could see that. The red puddles on the floor expanded. He was losing too much blood. She didn't know how much longer he could stay awake.

“If we're both alive after this, I will find you. And I will kill you.”  
He turned around to Abby. Her face was empty, every emotion she had was gone. She clearly meant what she said.  
“No.” It was just a little whisper which came from Marcus but both heard it. Thelonious smiled and sat up with a short squeeze on his leg. A goodbye.  
“Maybe I was wrong, you don't deserve it either. I was such a good friend to you. I helped you, always.”  
“You got Jake killed. You are killing Marcus. I owe you nothing.”  
“No, you don't..” He played with the knife which was still in his hand. Both saw it, but compared to Marcus she wasn't afraid of the way Thelonious stared at her. She wasn't because he already took everything from her. The man she loved was lying in front of her, bleeding out and she could do nothing about it. She didn't care what would happen next.  
Now he was walking toward Abby, slowly, he forgot about the gun which laid next to Marcus. This was his chance. He tried to reach it, his fingers couldn't get it. He crawled toward the gun, he was just a few inches away. Every movement hurt more, he left trails of blood on the floor. But that didn't matter, he had to be fast enough. He had to.

“Drop the knife, -” He had to take a deep breath before he could continue. “Thelonious.”  
His hand was shaking, he could barely hold the gun up. Everything hurt, but the only thing he could think about was to keep Abby safe.  
“You're not going to kill me. You can't. Do you really want to wipe out another life?”  
His trembling grew stronger, he wouldn't be able to protect her much longer. But he didn't have to. He reached back his arm with the knife, her eyes were searching for Marcus'.  
He fired the gun. Everything after that happened in slow motion. He could see how Abby ducked away, how the bullet hit Thelonious' head, how the life got sucked out of him, by his hands. He went down in front of her, the knife falling to the side. Abby was still sitting there, shocked.  
He did it. He killed him. His former friend, someone he knew his whole life. And it took him less than a second to kill him. For her. The woman he loved. Who deserved more than what she had. More than him. And definitely more than a knife in her heart.  
Marcus couldn't hold up the gun any longer, neither the rest of his body. He collapsed to the ground. Everything was just too much. 

“Marcus! Hey, Marcus, stay with me! WE NEED HELP!!”  
She shouted as loud as she could, with tears in her eyes.  
“Marcus, please look at me!”  
He turned his head to her side, slowly, staying alive got harder with every movement. They looked at each other, completely lost. They knew they had just a few moments left.  
“You can't leave me, Marcus! You have to fight, please!”  
“Abby, I-” He blinked a few times, he fought against the dark with every strength he had left. “I'm sorry.”  
“No, stay with me! You don't have to be sorry about anything, Marcus. You know it's not true. Everything he said is NOT true, do you hear me?!”  
His eyes were closed, his chest-rising almost unnoticible. He opened his mouth a little.  
“I love you.” He murmured his last words and his hand slipped down his side to the ground.  
She collapsed into the wall, crying desperately. “I love you, too.”

~

The door flew open and Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia rushed in, followed by the Millers. They dropped their weapons as they scanned the room. All with a mix of shock and sadness in their faces. Clarke was the first one who reacted and moved to Marcus who laid just a few metres away from her. His skin was completely pale and she could make out more than one red distributed spot on his black clothes.  
“No.” It came from Octavia, who ran to him too. Bellamy grabbed his own keys for the handcuffs and made his way to Abby who sat on the wall, her face wet from crying, just staring at Clarke. Clarke put two fingers on his throat. Everyone was staring at her.  
“He got a pulse!” They dared to breathe again, Abby fell into Bellamys arms.  
After a second of weakness her doctor mode kicked back in. If she wouldn't move now, he would die.  
“Octavia and Bellamy, put pressure on the wounds. Miller, tell Jackson that he has to prepare for surgery and that he need to get blood, O neg, now! We also need a stretcher.”  
Both Millers left the room quickly. Bellamy and Octavia sat next to Marcus, eyes full of worry, hands on his wounds. Clarkes' eyes wandered between Thelonious, Abby and Marcus. As she looked back at her mother, she gave her a quick sign that she would explain later. She rushed to Marcus' side. Her hands reached for his head, her thumb was floating over his black eye, where Thelonious hit him with the gun.  
“Hold on, Marcus.”  
Some of her tears fell down on his face, she kissed his forehead.  
“Please, hold on.”


	2. Words as Weapons

David and Nate Miller came back with the stretcher and laid it down.  
“Jackson is ready” were the only words which came from David while he was looking at his friend on the floor, blood was everywhere.  
“We have to get him on the stretcher. David can you lift his upper body, Bellamy his lower body?”  
Both nodded in agreement and they changed his position. They grabbed both ends of the stretcher and were ready to leave the room as fast as they could.  
“We lift him on three. One, two, three.”

They walked down the halls of arkadia quickly with Clarke in the front and Abby and Octavia next to him. Nate was still in Marcus' quarters to watch that nobody would enter. They passed a few people. They had heard that the election wouldn't take place that day. But nobody knew what was going on or what had happened. They watched them with shocked faces.  
Abby tried to divert herself with thoughts about what she had to do first when they would arrive in medical. She couldn't dare to think about what would happen if they wouldn't be able to fix him. If they would be too late. If she would be too late. The blood embraced her hands, it felt like she was drowning. 

They arrived at medical, Jackson was already dressed, the supplies laid on the table.  
“We have to put him on this table.”  
She rushed to the sink, cleaned her hands and changed her clothes. As she turned around, Marcus laid on the table, Octavias hands were still pressed on his stomach and Clarke changed her clothes as well. David had left the tent with Bellamy to help Nate with Thelonious.  
“Alright, we have to cut his clothes off, start with that.”  
They did as she told them while Abby headed to Marcus' arm, the needle for the blood transfusion in her hand. She let the needle dive into his vein. She looked at him. Black eye, blood on his mouth, dark spot on his right side of the chest, deep cut on his left side of the stomach, deep cut on his right thigh. Pictures were flashing through her brain, Thelonious leaning over him, his eyes full of pain. Marcus pulling the trigger, Thelonious falling to the ground, dead. Marcus falling to the ground, saying his-  
“Mom?”  
She looked up, all three were looking at her. She shook her head and took a deep breath, she had to concentrate.  
“Let's start.”

The last stitch was done, the wounded areas were bandaged. They had cleaned the table, they had moved him to a makeshift cot. Everyone was slowly leaving the room, aware of Abbys' wish of being alone with him. Clarke was the last one, she stopped as she passed her mother. She turned around and pulled her into a hug, which Abby accepted greatfully. She started to cry, she couldn't hold it in. Clarke started rubbing her back and whispered in her ear.  
“He's going to be okay, mom. He will make it. I mean, it's Kane.”  
For a moment, Abby giggled into her daughters' shoulder. Then she pulled back, but she grabbed her hands. She looked her in the eyes and her voice was trembling.  
“I'm not sure if that will be enough.”

As Clarke pulled a second chair next to the cot, Abby got a blanket and a pillow out of the right corner, always lying there for patients who had to stay in medical overnight. Clarke watched her mother as she gently lifted his head up and put the pillow beneath it. She placed a small kiss on his forehead. Then she grabbed the blanket and wrapped him up smoothly. She loved him. She loved him so much, it was impossible to deny that. He loved her too and it was okay for Clarke. Her mother deserved a man who would take her first. And he did. More than once.  
They both sat down, Abby next to his head, her hand was stroking his hair continuously.  
“He did it for me, you know?”  
It wasn't a question but Clarke just nodded, she gave her a reassuring smile.  
“He had to kill him.”

Her thoughts were running wild, pictures were crashing down on her. She closed her eyes. A few moments later she had controlled her thoughts and started to explain. That he had forgotten the time, that they had walked down the halls and had crashed into Thelonious. She briefly summed up what Thelonious had done to him, especially what he had said. As she ended up at the point where Clarke and the others came in, she stopped and looked completely lost.  
“Even if he'll recover from most of his injuries, he won't forgive himself that easily.”  
Clarkes' hand reached for Abbys'.  
“But he's not alone, mom. You will help him with that. We will.”  
She squeezed her hand.  
“Thank you.”

The next couple of hours went by, Clarke had left her alone and Abby finally fell asleep at his cot, her head lying on his right side. 

~

She woke up as Marcus shifted beneath her. His body tensed and he let out a slight moan, every part of his body hurt. He opened his eyes. At first he didn't know where he was, but just in seconds everything crashed down on him. Everything what had happened the last day and everything he had done since he had joined the council.  
She saw his eyes turned dark, they flickered around. Pain and horror were written all over his face, he tried to catch his breath.  
“Marcus, hey. It's okay.”  
She reached out for his head but as soon as she touched him he flinched. She lowered her hands. His eyes met hers and what she saw was nothing but darkness. His breath slowed down and he forced his eyes away from her. He stared at the ceiling.  
“Marcus?”  
“I don't want to talk.”  
He was almost whispering.  
“Mar-”  
“I want to be alone.”  
“Ok.”  
She stood up and left medical by giving Jackson a slight nod. She had to take a break, breathing in fresh air. She wanted to be there for him but he didn't. He needed time, she knew that. She met Octavia in front of the tent. She rushed to her as soon as she saw her.  
“How is he?”  
“Awake.”  
It was the only answer she could give and the girl understood.  
“We will burn Jahas' body tonight.” She looked down. “And Bellamy cleaned Kanes' room. I thought you would like to know. You'll tell me when I can go to him, right?”  
Their eyes met.  
“Thank you. And yes, I will. But now is not the time.”  
“Yes, that's what I figured. Call me if you need any help.”  
Abby nodded thankfully. Octavia turned around and left her standing in front of medical, alone. She had to help him. She had to do something.

She came to him with a glass of water.  
“You need to drink something, Marcus.”  
“I'm no-”  
“That wasn't a question.”  
She put the glass on the chair and stood next to him. He wasn't the only one who could be stubborn.  
“I need to lift you up a little.”  
He flinched as she touched him but this time she didn't pull away. She grabbed his shoulders and sat beneath them so she could hold him. She helped him to drink the whole glass and sat there, just watching him. He was still staring at the wall, his black eye emphasized the darkness in his eyes. She knew it was uncomfortable for him, being so helpless. She knew that and it drove her crazy that he didn't want her help. That he wanted to be alone, that he at least pretended to want it. But she knew him, better than anything. She knew he needed someone he could trust, someone he could talk to. But it wasn't that easy. Thelonious ruined everything.  
“You can lay me down.”  
“Of course.”  
She did what he had said and sat down on the chair.  
“But I won't leave you.”

The next hours went by and they just said nothing until Abby started to talk.  
“I thought you were dead.”  
He turned his head to face her.  
“I thought I had lost you.”  
She lifted her head and their eyes met, hers filled with tears.  
“Don't do this, Marcus. Don't leave me. Don't leave us. Because there is a bunch of people who needs you. I need you.”  
“He was right.”  
His voice was hoarse and almost cold.  
“No, he wasn't. And you know that, deep inside. It wasn't the truth.”  
“It was. I did all those things.”  
“Yes, you did. But you had your reasons and you didn't make those decisions just by yourself. And nobody, especially not me, is holding that against you. You changed.” She placed her hand on his arm. “I love you, Marcus. Don't let him ruin this. Don't let him win.”  
“I killed him.”  
“You had no choice.”  
“I know. And I don't regret it.”  
She gave him a little smile.  
“Good.”

They heard that the crowd was getting bigger outside.  
“What are they doing?”  
He didn't know what was going on. It was late and everyone should be in their quarters.  
“They will burn him.”  
His face went pale.  
“You don't want to-”  
“No.” She shook her head. “No. I want to stay here, with you.”  
She took his hand and he squeezed it, glad that she was there for him.

As the crowd went back inside, silence wrapped them up and Abby tried to fight sleep. He studied her, she was tired. After she almost slipped off the chair, he couldn't watch it any longer.  
“Abby, please go to your quarters.”  
“What-, no. I will stay here.”  
“Please, just go to bed. I'm not going anywhere, I will be fine.”  
“Are you sure?”  
She looked back at Jackson who had the nightshift after Abby stayed in medical all day.  
“Do what he said, Abby. I will call you if there's something important. And I will watch out for him.”  
“Thank you, Jackson.”  
He nodded and went back to his seat to go through papers. She stood up.  
“I will see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep.”  
With a final squeeze of his hand she left medical and went to her quarters.

He fought sleep. He was tired but he couldn't do it. His brain was a mess even when he was awake, he didn't dare to think about what would happen if he fell asleep. He was alone with Jackson who had to go through papers but they both knew that he was the reason why he had to be in medical. If he wouldn't be tied to the cot, medical would be empty and Jackson could rest for the night. He drifted away. Thelonious, his quarters, Abby, the pain. Everything felt so real, as if he was back there. He opened his eyes and noticed his trembling. How long was he asleep? Minutes, hours? He couldn't do it. He looked to the table where Jackson was sitting, his head buried in papers. He didn't see him. He turned his head and faced the wall. He couldn't go back to sleep again. He couldn't.

She woke up late in the morning, it was half past ten. She didn't sleep good, the bed was too empty without him. But she had been so tired, she had to sleep at some point. She got dressed and rushed into medical.  
“Why didn't you call me, Jackson?”  
He looked at her, confused.  
“There wasn't an emergency. I thought you could use some sleep.”  
“And you worked the whole night and morning.”  
“Nothing happened, Abby.”  
She shook her head and tried to order her thoughts. Then she let out a little laugh, she didn't know why she was acting like this. She was just stressed.  
“Sorry, I didn't mean to-”  
“It's ok.”  
They both smiled, relieved that the argument was over.  
“But please, get the hell out of here. Your shift is over.”  
“Alright.”  
He left medical. She turned to Marcus, who laid on his cot, his head turned to the wall. She thought that he was asleep but as she came closer, she saw the red and tired eyes which stared at the wall.  
“Marcus?”  
He turned to face her. He didn't sleep. She couldn't only see it in his face but it was written all over his body. How he laid there, without even a little bit of strength. She didn't know what to say.  
“You-” She cleared her throat. “When did Jackson give you the last drops?”  
“I don't know. A while ago.”  
“Alright, he wrote it down. I will take a look.”  
She went to the table with the papers and found a note lying next to the dates. 'He fell asleep once but he was awake within the next minutes. Didn't want to eat.' Jackson. She looked at the last time he gave him the medicine and checked the clock. The next time would be in an hour. She turned around and watched him. He had been alone for twelve hours. He had just his thoughts. She should have stayed.  
“I will get us something to eat.”  
“I'm fine.”  
“No, you're not.”

She came back with two plates and sat down next to him. He looked even more tired than before.  
“I will help you with this.”  
He turned his head away from her.  
“I'm not hungry.”  
“Marcus, look at me.” He didn't move. She sighed and stood up so she could see him. He was embarrassed that he couldn't do this alone, she knew that. She could see that he was afraid and exhausted. But she didn't understand why he kept on pushing her away.  
“Look at me.”  
He turned around.  
“I can just imagine how you feel right now, Marcus. But I want to help you. So please stop pushing me away. Can you do that? Because I will be here, I won't leave you. So can you just try to accept that fact? And accept my help?”  
He gave her a slight nod. She was glad that he accepted it. She didn't know what else she could have done.  
“Ok.”

After breakfast, she gave him his pills.  
“And now you have to sleep, ok?”  
It was twelve o'clock and he hadn't slept for 27 hours. But he needed to. His wounds were still fresh and if he didn't sleep they wouldn't heal that properly.  
“Ok.”

His sleep didn't last long. After six minutes his eyes snapped open and he was catching his breath. He tried. He really tried to stay asleep but he couldn't. Abby saw him and she told her patient who just came in that she would be back in a second.  
“Marcus, hey. Everything is ok.”  
“No, it's not. Abby, I tried. I tried to do it but I can't.”  
She placed her hand on his arm.  
“It's ok, Marcus. Just try again. I will be back in a few minutes.”

The next few hours went by and Abby kept on trying to comfort him, encouraging him to just let go and to try again. But he didn't. She couldn't watch him making his condition worse. She had to do something.

~

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jackson was concerned. He was completely sure that this wouldn't end peacefully.  
“He needs it. I know it sounds brutal but he needs to sleep. And he fell asleep twice but he woke up in the next few minutes, he won't rest by himself. So he won't heal. I'm sorry but as his doctor I have to do this. Are you going to help me or not?”  
He nodded but he wasn't glad how these things turned out. He knew that she was right. She knew what would be the best for him. So they walked toward him but as soon as he saw Jackson holding the syringe, his tired body tensed.

“No, Abby! Please, don't do that!”  
She knew he wouldn't let them do this just like that. But she had hoped for the best.  
“Marcus, you need this. I know you don't want to but believe me, you will feel better after it.”  
She was next to him now, Jackson just a few inches behind her. Marcus was lying on his cot, horror was joining his exhaustion. He couldn't move a lot, his leg was a mess and his upper body ached as soon as he dared to move.  
“Please, Abby!” His desperate voice broke her heart. What was she doing? But she had no choice. She had to help him. He tried to sit up but he hadn't the strength to lift his body more than a few inches. She pulled his head tight to her body, her arms tried to comfort him. He resisted, his hands went to her arms, but she was stronger than him. She didn't let go. His eyes were dark and full of tears.  
“Abby, please, I can't go back! Don't do this!”  
A tear escaped her eyes. She knew it would be hard but this was worse than her expectations.  
“Is everything alright in here?”  
Bellamy and Octavia froze as they passed the door and could see what was happening. Abby hadn't noticed that they were that loud.  
“Yes.”  
She had to do it, now. She nodded at Jackson who took his right arm. Marcus still fought against her. He pushed the sedative into his vein.  
“Abby, I can't do this. I can't go back. I can't.”  
“You can, Marcus. And I will help you.”  
His fighting stopped, his body sank to the cot. She was laying his head down on his pillow and cupped his cheeks. His eyes didn't leave hers.  
“I will stay with you until you wake up. I won't leave you.”  
His pleading look drifted away and he closed his eyes.  
“You're not alone. I'm with you.”  
She kissed his forehead.

She turned around, Bellamy and Octavia were still standing next to the door, confused and shocked.  
“Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt you. We just heard-” Octavia stopped and tried to rephrase it. “We thought you needed some help in here.”  
Bellamy looked at Octavia, then at Abby.  
“Yes, I think we should go now.”  
“You don't have to be sorry. I should be. You can stay if you want to, I will explain it.”  
And so they stood there and listened to Abbys' explanation.  
“He will get better, right?”  
“He needs time.”  
“Of course. Can we help somehow?”  
“If there's something you can do I will tell you.”  
“Ok.”  
Bellamy placed a hand on her arm.  
“I'm sure he will fight through it. I mean, it's Kane.”  
Abby grinned sadly and he looked confused, not sure if he used the right words.  
“That's what Clarke had said.”  
He blushed and Octavia let out a little laugh. She grabbed her brother and turned him around.  
“I think it's time to go. You can call us any time, Abby.”  
She watched them leaving.


	3. All about you

It was daybreak, the first sunrays were reaching medical. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was her. Abby sat on a chair next to him, her head on his cot, asleep. She stayed, of course she did. She kept her words. He was glad she did. And she was right, he felt better. Everything hurt but he wasn't exhausted anymore. He was able to face whatever would come next. His hand went to hers. As soon as he touched it her head moved and she looked up.  
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”  
She smiled a little. Then she gave him a look which he knew too well. She blamed herself.  
“No, I am the one who has to be sorry, Marcus. I didn't want to do it but I had to. I'm so sorry.”  
His hand went to her face and he stroke back a strand which wasn't in line.  
“I know.”  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Better, I guess. At least I'm not that tired anymore.”  
“That's good.”  
Her thumb was stroking his cheek, relieved that he let her touch him.

He tried to keep everything down, everything what happened. He caused enough pain, he couldn't hurt others more than he even did. Especially not Abby. So everytime she asked him if he was sure that he didn't want to talk, he just nodded. He wanted to talk. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry for everything he did but he knew she didn't want to hear that. He would hurt her just like he did before.

~

The day went on and Octavia came by. Abby had given her the 'ok' earlier in the mess hall.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Better, thanks.”  
“It's good to have you back.”  
He smiled slightly. She could see that he was uncomfortable with the situation.  
“Alright, I just wanted to tell you that. Maybe I will come back tomorrow.”  
She placed her hand on his arm.  
“Bellamy will come by later, he's on guard duty.”  
They looked at each other. First she didn't know what had changed but after a few seconds she could see it. He was ashamed, his eyes full of regret. She didn't know why but that wasn't a topic she could just spit out. She had to ask Abby, later.  
“See you, then.”  
She squeezed his arm and left the room.

“Marcus, she was here to see you.”  
Abbys' patient had left and she made her way toward him.  
“She cares about you.”  
“She shouldn't.”  
“Don't, Marcus. Don't think that, don't say that and don't believe that. It's not true. She does because she wants to.”  
“I-”  
“Stop it, Marcus. You can't go on like that. You have to accept that there are people who care about you and-”  
“Dr. Griffin?”  
A girl entered, her voice was trembling and her shinbone was a little bloody.  
“This conversation is not over.”  
Abby turned around. “What happened?” Her motherly voice was calming the girl and she walked away.

He began to feel tired as the next patient rushed in, so he dared to close his eyes. Within minutes, he was asleep.

“Right, that's it. And please, be careful next time.”  
“Sure. Thanks, Dr. Griffin.”  
The man stood up and left the room. She sighed, she treated a lot of people the last hour. Too many, it was already getting dark outside. She went to Marcus' cot and found him with his eyes closed, asleep. She smiled and put his curl back in line. For the first time in a couple of days he looked peaceful.  
“Abby?”  
She turned around and saw Bellamy making his way to her. He spoke more quietly as he saw Marcus.  
“Sorry, I'm just coming from my shift and I thought I could come by. I don't want to disturb you.”  
“You don't. But he's not awake.”  
Jackson came in.  
“Your shift is over, Abby.”  
“I know, but maybe I will stay for-”  
“Abby, did you even eat something? Come on, nothing is going to happen. Just get something to eat. I think they just started, I saw Raven and Clarke going to the mess hall. You can come back after that.”  
They were still whispering. Abby agreed, she was hungry. Bellamy placed a hand on her shoulder.  
“I can stay until you come back. Just go and eat something.”  
She nodded greatfully.  
“Thanks, it won't take long.”  
“Take your time.”

He woke up with a start and Bellamy jumped a bit, not expecting him to wake up that soon. Kane sat on his cot, he was looking at the wall in front of him and was breathing heavily, sweat covered his body lightly.  
“Kane, are you alright?” Bellamy stood next to him, he didn't know what to do.  
Jackson came from the back of medical.  
“Get Abby.” Bellamy rushed to the mess hall. “Kane, can you hear me?”  
The red spot on his bandage was growing bigger. The stitches had popped up as his leg had slipped down the cot. He still stared at the wall, eyes empty.  
“Kane, you have to wake up.”  
He shook him a little and his eyes snapped to Jackson, he looked confused. Then he noticed the pain coming from his right leg and let out a deep groan.  
“It's ok, the stitches just popped up. I'm going to put your leg back on the cot, it will hurt for a second.”  
As soon as he grabbed his leg, Marcus hands gripped the side of the cot, trying to ease the pain. He inhaled sharply.  
“Alright, that's it. We have to lay you down.”  
Jacksons' hands were on his back and his shoulder and he guided him down.  
Abby rushed in, Bellamy was a few steps behind.  
“What happened?”  
“He woke up and his leg slipped down.”  
They exchanged looks, he would explain later. She was next to him.  
“Can you bring me a light anesthetic?”

“I don't want it.”  
“Don't be stupid, Marcus. You won't feel a thing.”  
“I don't want it.”  
They looked at each other, except Marcus, he stared at the wall. She sighed. She was responsible for his reaction.  
“Ok.” She turned to Jackson. “Jackson, I need a needle and a suture. Bellamy, would you hold him down, please?”  
He nodded. “Of course.”  
“No, you don't have to do that.”  
Both looked down. His eyes were still fixed to the wall.  
“Kane, you trust me, don't you?”  
He turned his head to face him, confused. “I do.”  
“Then you should know that I'm doing this to help you. Because I want to help you. But you have to let me, okay?”  
He gave him a slight nod and accepted Bellamys' hands on his shoulders. Abby was relieved, she had thought that it would take more time to convince him. But he had reached him. She unwrapped his bandage and stitched him up, again. He tried to be quiet but a few groans escaped his lips. She worked fast and Marcus just had tried to move once, but Bellamy had kept him down. She wrapped him up with a new bandage.  
“I can get you both some food if you want. Because I don't think that you ate something in your 'five-minutes-break'.”  
“That would be great. Thank you.”  
Bellamy passed the door. She sat down next to him.  
“If we can sit you up really carefully, you can eat by yourself. If you let me help you.”  
She prepared herself for the incoming argument but he didn't complain.  
“Ok.”  
She wrapped her arm around him and they sat him up. Both were careful not to put pressure on his right leg and the fresh stitch held.  
“Thank you.”  
She smiled a little and nodded.

Bellamy came back with two plates and she walked toward him.  
“I think I will come back tomorrow.”  
“Thank you, Bellamy.”  
She took the plates and he left.  
“I think we deserve to eat something, it was a rough day.”  
For a second, she could see a smile on his face. She gave him one plate and sat down. They just sat there and ate. As she finished her food, she looked up and was relieved. He didn't eat everything but almost half of it. It was a start.  
“You fell asleep by yourself.”  
“Hasn't gone that well though.”  
“It's a start.”

~

After an hour, Abby spoke to Jackson at the table but he couldn't hear what they were talking about. It ended with Jackson giving her a brief smile, wishing Marcus a good night and then he left medical.  
“Why did he leave?”  
“I told him you need to sleep.”  
She gave him a reassuring smile.  
“You can do it.”  
He looked lost, but he didn't complain. He didn't want to risk getting into the same situation as the day before. She went to the corner of the room and came back with a second pillow.  
“If it's ok for you, I would sleep here in medical. Like not on the chair but on the cot.”  
He looked kind of relieved and shifted so she could lie next to him after she turned off the lights. Some parts of their bodys met and it was like the first time they had shared a bed. They were careful not to touch each other but on this small cot they couldn't prevent it.  
“Is it ok like that?”  
“Yes.”  
“Good.”  
She couldn't hold back a smile.  
“I missed you. Like, lying next to me. My bed is so empty without you.”  
Her hand found his and she entwined their fingers. She faced him. It wasn't completely dark, so she could see most of his face. And his black eye. For her it was the most disturbing injury he had. Everytime she wanted to look in his warm, brown eyes that injury jumped right into her face. Like Thelonious had gotten himself a spot there.

“You know that you can talk to me, right? About everything.”  
He tried to avoid her gaze, so he looked at a point next to her.  
“Marcus.”  
She cupped his face and his eyes found hers. They were a little wet, he fought against the tears.  
“I know that what he had done and what he had said haunts you but there's more. I think there is a lot going on in your head and I just want you to know, you can talk to me. I'm here for you.”  
Her words broke his wall which he had build in the last couple of days. One moment he had himself under control, then everything inside of him broke and he stopped fighting against his tears. He broke down in her hands.

She came closer and pulled him into a hug. She was crying too and so they were lying like that for a few minutes. Until he broke the silence.  
“I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Abby.”  
She pulled back so they could look at each other. She wanted to interrupt him, telling him that he doesn't have to be sorry at all but she knew that he had to speak first, otherwise he would shut himself down.  
“He was right. Everything I did, everything I caused- I am responsible for everybodys' pain. How can anyone here care about me? Nobody should. Because everyone should know better.” She could feel him starting to tremble against her hands, she was afraid of what else he would tell her. “They know what I've done. And just because I'm trying to be a better man- that doesn't mean that everything I did didn't happen. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to live.”  
His words made her starting to cry again. He was so lost and desperate. And now she was too. What can you do if someone doesn't see the meaning of life? Or even worse if someone thinks about himself that he doesn't deserve to be alive?  
“I- I know, that you are the only one here who thinks like that.” She had to take a deep breath before she continued. “And I am convinced that people can redeem themselves. And you did. And if you can't see who needs you I can tell you. Because they were all here. Bellamy and Octavia came to visit you, before that I had to tell them a thousand times that I would call them immediately if you're getting better. Clarke and Jackson helped stitching you up, Jackson was by your side most of the day and he doesn't mind it. David and Nate asked for you a couple of times, as well as Harper and Raven. Bellamy had to inform the guard about your condition and Clarke had to inform everyone else as the representative of the chancellor who doesn't exist. They told me how those people reacted. And at that night, a few days ago, everyones' heartbeat of who had rushed into your quarters had stopped for a second because they had thought you were dead. And maybe you forgot me. I do care so much, Marcus. Because you're the most important man in my life! I will always be by your side as I was until now. And don't tell me that no one should care! We do, you have to accept that!” She almost shouted at him. He was still looking at her, he regretted his words. She took another breath and kept on talking. “I know it's hard but you don't have to do this alone. All those people want to help you. Especially me. Don't you ever- ever say again that you don't deserve to live. It's not true. Just don't-”  
This time it was him who pulled her into a hug. And he didn't mean to let go any time soon.

“I didn't mean to hurt you.”  
He whispered the words into her ear and Abby nodded into his shoulder.  
“I know. And I'm glad that you told me. But you can't think like this. Not even for a single moment. It would destroy you and I can't lose you, Marcus.”  
She pulled back and looked at him.  
“We will get through this, I promise. But you have to make the first step. You have to let others care about you. We all do. Don't ever forget this again. We all know what we're doing, so don't question it. Can you do that?”  
“I will try.”  
And there it was, the thing she had missed the most. Far away, deep down in his eyes, she could see what he had needed so desperately. And now it was there, very small but it existed.  
Hope.


	4. High Hopes

Clarke and Bellamy were on their way to medical. They needed to know what they should say to their people. There was still no chancellor and the people began to talk about what could happen if there's no one in charge. So they needed an answer and the only one who could give one was her mother. It was early in the morning around 7 am, but maybe she was awake. They could at least look if she was there. Otherwise they would come back later. They entered quietly, careful not to disturb anybody. As they were inside, both had a grin on their face. Her mother laid in Kanes' arm, her face buried into his shoulder. He had to lay on his back, so he didn't put pressure on his leg. They looked like it had been a long night. The last time she had spoken to her had been at dinner time. But they had spoken for only a few minutes, after that Bellamy had rushed in and had dragged her out.

A hand grabbed hers. She turned around and looked at Bellamy. He nodded at the exit. As they were outside, he started talking.  
“Maybe later?”  
“Yes, I don't want to wake them. What do you think she'll say?”  
“I don't know. I don't think she wants to decide now.”  
“I don't think she has a choice.”  
“Maybe we can help her to decide.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, that they lead the camp together anyway so what if we vote for two chancellors? Like, officially. I think it would be the best solution.”  
“Do you think our people would vote for it?”  
“We can find out.”

~

She woke up and opened her eyes. He was still asleep and she was careful not to move, so she wouldn't wake him up. She watched him, watched his chest rising and his body relaxing. The last night was too much for her, she had known that there was a lot to fix but she hadn't expect it to be that worse. She had to do something, she couldn't let him do this alone. Jackson came in and stopped as Abby put her finger to her lips. She gave him a half smile and he walked to the back of the room. She tried to sit up slowly but as soon as she left Marcus' arm he woke up.  
“Hey, just go back to sleep.”  
She had a hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly.  
“What are you doing?”  
He looked awful and she knew she looked the same. It had been one hell of a night.  
“I think I'll just take a shower and then I'll be right back. I can do the paper work here in medical.”  
“Just take the time you need. You don't have to come back that soon.”  
“I thought we talked about this?”  
“I just think you should-”  
“He's right, Abby.”  
Jackson came from the back and stood in front of her.  
“You should take a break. Just for a few hours.”  
“I think I can decide this for myself. And I am coming back when I think I should!”  
They both looked at her with concerned eyes. She stood up, put her boots on and rushed out of medical.  
“Do you need something?”  
Marcus shook his head.  
“Alright, just tell me when you do.”

She never enjoyed a shower like that. The warm water washed every weight off her shoulders, it was just the thing she had needed. She needed to be Abby again. Not the hormone-driven woman who couldn't control herself. As she dressed up, she felt like she could finally take the challenges of the day and went to the mess hall to grab some food.

“I've got some breakfast for us, if I'm allowed to enter the room.”  
Abby entered with a smile on her face.  
“I'm just glad you have your humour back.”  
Jackson was relieved that she was herself again. She placed the plates on a chair and helped Marcus to sit up. He still looked a little awful and asked herself what the other people would think if they saw them. But actually she didn't care. However, maybe she might have stared a little too long.  
“That bad?”  
He whispered but Jackson had heard it anyway.  
“I don't think I look any better. Come on, just eat something.”

After a few minutes, Clarke and Bellamy came in, their second time.  
“Do you have a minute, later?”  
Her mother looked at her, then at Bellamy.  
“Has it something to do with the council?”  
She nodded.  
“Alright, than spit it out.”  
She looked at Kane and than back at her mother.  
“The people are talking about-, I mean there's no one in charge, so-”  
Kane interrupted her.  
“You need an election, as soon as possible.”  
She looked at him and nodded. Even if he was a mess, he was still thinking a lot quicker than everyone else.  
“Yes.”  
“No.”  
Everyone looked at Abby.  
“Now is not the time for that.”  
“It has to be done, Abby.”  
She looked at Marcus, not quite sure what to say.  
“Yes, but- not now.”  
“Mum, Bellamy has an idea...”

“What do you think?”  
Bellamy looked at Abby, then at Kane and then back to Clarke. He had tried to explain his idea the last couple of minutes. They were both silent, nobody said a word. He dared to ask carefully.  
“Very bad idea?”  
She shook her head immediately.  
“No. No, it's great. Marcus?”  
She turned around and she knew what he was thinking. He didn't want to be Chancellor. He didn't answer her, he just looked down at his blanket. She turned to her daughter.  
“We will consider this. I will tell you if we made a decision.”  
Bellamy nodded.  
“Sure. Sorry that we disturbed you.”  
He grabbed Clarkes' arm and dragged her out of medical, her eyes fixed to the silent man on the cot.

As they were outside, she stopped Bellamy.  
“It was a mistake.”  
“What?”  
“He doesn't want to do this. We should have talked to my mum first.”  
“She will talk to him. And I think Griffin women are quite convincing, at least most of the time.”  
She hit his shoulder.  
“I hope you're right. I'm not sure if she wants to become chancellor just because he doesn't want to.”

“Jackson, can you give us a moment?”  
“Yes, sure.”  
He left medical as quick as he could.  
“Alright, just think about it.”  
She laid a hand on his arm. He looked up.  
“Yesterday you told me that you need something to do. That you need something to work on. And I need you by my side. Why don't we try and do this together? Like we always did.”  
“I don't want to do it.”  
“If you mean something like 'I don't deserve to do it', then we can skip this part. Because we talked about that.”  
He looked down at his hands again. She took them in hers.  
“No, stop thinking like that. We can't do this all over again. You said you would try to trust us. Then do it. Clarke and Bellamy suggest this idea because they think it's the best one. And it is. You remember our conversation right before the election? I think we would've done anything to do this together.”  
He smiled a little. It was just a few days ago but it seemed like months. She was right, he would've loved the idea of both being chancellors. Besides, he wanted to work again. He wanted to live his old life or at least to try building a new one.  
“Do you think our people would vote for this?”  
“Maybe. But it's worth a shot, don't you think?”  
He took a deep breath and looked up.  
“Ok.”

~

The day went on and medical had only four patients in six hours. Jackson left and Abby checked on Marcus' stitches. As she touched his leg, he breathed in sharply.  
“Sorry. I'm almost done.”  
“Will I be able to work again?”  
She turned to him but he was looking at the ceiling. She knew what he meant. The guard. It was hard for him just to stay in medical and not being able to do what he did his whole life. And maybe it was even harder because he was their leader. He wasn't supposed to be absent.  
“It will take time, Marcus. I can't promise you anything, but I think you might be.”  
She wrapped him up and covered his still bruised body with the blanket.  
“I'll get us some food, I'll be back in a few minutes.”

A minute after she had left, Octavia came through the door.  
“You look like you could use some company.”  
His face lit up for a second. She walked toward the cot and sat down next to his leg.  
“I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to scare you away.”  
“I know. That's why I'm here now. How are you?”  
“Better, I guess.”  
Her smile faded and her face became more serious.  
“You scared the crap out of me, you know that? We were searching for you and Abby-and as we heard the gunshot..”  
She took a deep breath.  
“We came into your quarters, Abby was crying and you laid-, blood was every-”  
He grabbed her hand and she stopped. She could only imagine that this was the last thing he wanted to hear.  
“I'm sorry, I didn't-”  
“Thank you.”  
She smiled.

Abby stood in the door, she couldn't stop staring. The sight of them being that close again made her happy. She catched their attention as she cleared her throat and walked across the room.  
“I have to go. Good to have you back.”  
She grinned and stood up.  
“See you, then.”  
“Thanks for coming.”  
She nodded at him and left.

“Wasn't that hard, huh?”  
She stood in front of him, a smirk on her face. He had a little smirk on his face, too.  
“I think I wasn't that bad this time.”  
She helped him up.  
“I met Bellamy, we're going to ask our people tomorrow.”  
“Ok.” He watched her, she looked exhausted. “You know, you don't have to watch over me the whole time. Nothing is going to happen, Abby. You have to take care of yourself, too.”  
“I am.”  
“No, you're not. And the more you're trying to help me, the less you're taking care of yourself. I don't want that.”  
“But I want to. I don't want to leave you alone in here at night.”  
She wouldn't even leave him alone at day more than a few minutes. She couldn't be sure that nothing would happen. That a stitch would pop or that the loneliness would eat him from the inside out. She wouldn't risk losing him again.  
“Just promise me that you're going to take a break tomorrow. Jackson will be here, you don't have to stay the whole day.”  
“Ok, I promise.”  
He nodded, glad that she accepted it.

They spent the night on the cot, both comforted each other. Both were glad that they could hear the other ones' heartbeat through the night. As the first sunrays reached the camp, he woke up. It was a dreamless night and he thanked Abby for it. Since she was sleeping in medical, he didn't even have one nightmare. She was still asleep so he kept his arm wrapped around her waist. He could feel that he was getting better, physically and emotionally. He got used to his broken ribs and his wound on his stomach. He could talk to people he cared about without regretting every decision he had made in his past. Not always, but most of the time. He could sleep at night, if Abby was by his side. He didn't feel an improvement of his leg though but they couldn't start therapy yet. So he had a bit hope for recovery, even if it felt like the knife would still stuck in his thigh.

She opened her eyes and saw Marcus staring at the ceiling, engrossed in thought. She took the advantage that he didn't know that she was awake and closed her eyes again. She needed a few more minutes to order her thoughts, she just wasn't ready for the day. She hoped for the best, that the people would accept their idea. She hoped that everything would be alright when she would leave Marcus for a few hours. She-  
“I know you're awake.”  
She opened her eyes and looked right into his.  
“Is everything alright?”  
“I just didn't want to disturb you, you looked like you were deep in thoughts.”  
He smiled sadly.  
“You are a horrible liar, Abigail Griffin.”  
She blushed and looked down. He put her chin up so she had to look back at him.  
“You can talk to me too, you know.”  
“I'm just a little worried.”  
“About what? The election?”  
“Yes, partly.”  
“What's the other one?”  
She took his hand and looked away. He knew why she was worried.  
“Abby, I'm fine.”  
“Are you?”  
As she looked back at him, he was the one who looked down.  
“I have to be.”

He had to, it was all that mattered.  
“No. No, that's not how you solve problems. That's not how you fix things, Marcus.”  
For him, it was the way how he had to fix it. He didn't know how he should do it otherwise. Her hands came to his face and he looked at her. He tried to get himself under control again and she saw his look changing.  
“I'm fine.”  
She wanted to argue but Jackson entered.  
“I have to go, but we will talk later. I will come by in a few hours.”  
She gave him one last concerned look and then she left.

~

Three hours later, Octavia rushed in with a wide smile. Jackson gave her an annoyed look, his patient had startled at her quick appearance.  
“Sorry.”  
She walked toward Kane, he looked confused.  
“There's someone who wants to see you.”  
He looked even more confused as she winked at him. Ignoring the other people in the room, she called the person behind the door.  
“You can come in!”  
“Octavia!”  
She turned to Jackson and gave him an apologetic look. Then they all turned to the person who entered medical.

Marcus' face lit up immediately as he saw Indra entering the room. Even though she tried to look confident, she looked a little lost in medical. She wasn't used to rooms like this. She went over quickly while she eyed the other persons in the room.  
“You didn't come yesterday. I asked your men and they said there had been an incident. So I came here with them.”  
“I appreciate that, Indra.”  
She smiled for a second, then her expression changed. Her look had wandered from his now green bruise under his eye to the blanket.  
“Who did this?”  
He noticed too late that the blanket only covered a part of his body, a part of his right side was visible. The gap between the blanket and the cot was big enough for her to see the bruises on his chest and the bandages around his stomach and his leg. He pulled it down quickly. Her look was furious, she looked like she would kill that person immediately if he gave her a name. She couldn't though, he had already done it. Octavia jumped in.  
“He's dead.”  
She laid a firm hand on Indras' shoulder and her mentor understood that she shouldn't ask any further. She walked to his side and placed her hand on his arm.  
“Can I call you now the leader of skaikru again or is it Abby?”  
“We don't have a chancellor yet.”  
“But the election-”  
Octavia interrupted her.  
“Couldn't take place that day.”  
Indras' gaze wandered over the blanket and then she nodded.  
“I understand.”  
He nodded back. Octavia smiled slightly, their friendship was something special. Something that no one else understood because they created it. And she could just imagine what Indra would have wanted to do if Thelonious would have made it out alive. And she wouldn't have been the only one.


	5. Trust in me

The crowd outside had gotten bigger, even Octavia and Jackson had left medical. Jackson had complained first, but after Octavia had reassured him that Indra would take care of Marcus, he had joined her. Now Marcus laid on the cot and Indra stood next to him, she refused to sit down. She was slightly tensed.  
“Indra.”  
She looked up.  
“Nothing is going to happen, just sit down.”  
She would have felt attacked by those words, the first thing which came up in her mind was 'weakness'. But those words came from Kane. He didn't mean to let her look weak, to hurt her. He cared. She looked at the chair in front of her and then back at him.  
“Ok.”  
She sat down and looked at the door. She still didn't know what had happened and she wanted to know. But she couldn't ask, she knew Octavia would tell her when she would leave. But that wasn't soon enough. The only thing she knew was that the attacker had been one of skaikru. One of his own people. Someone he-  
“I can tell you, if you want to know.”  
It was like he read her mind. She looked at him and nodded.

“I don't understand.”  
He didn't tell her everything but everything she needed to know.  
“Why did he do that?”  
“You know, I don't think he was fully himself. I think somehow he didn't really come back from the city of light. Or at least he still thought like he would still be there. But I don't know.”  
He still looked at the ceiling, deep in thoughts. She grabbed his arm and catched his attention.  
“You had no choice.”  
“Yeah, I know.”

~

“Congratulations, you two just made history.”  
Octavia entered first, followed by Abby, Clarke, Bellamy and Jackson.  
“They agreed?”  
He didn't know if he should be happy or not.  
“Of course they did.”  
Octavia was a little confused. Abby had a smile on her face.  
“That's what we wanted, right?”  
“Yes.”  
His answer came out a little too quick but no one seemed to notice. Indra stood up.  
“Your people chose wisely. I think it's time for me to leave. We will see each other soon.”  
“Thank you for coming.”  
She nodded and left the room with Octavia.  
“Alright, I'm glad that it all worked out.”  
Bellamy and Clarke left medical too. Jackson sat in the back.  
“Your shift is over, Jackson. You did enough today.”  
“Ok. See you tomorrow, chancellors.”  
He left with a grin and she went to the cot, half-smiling.  
“Hey.” She took his hand. “Is everything alright?”  
He looked up and nodded.  
“Yes.”

“I told her.”  
She needed a moment before she understood what he was talking about.  
“Oh. How did she react?”  
“I think she didn't really understand why but she didn't say anything.”  
“I don't understand it either.”  
“I think he made it pretty clear why..”  
He was still thinking it was his fault. She doubted that he would be convinced it wasn't when she would tell him so but she had to try.  
“That wasn't the man who had been our friend, Marcus. He wouldn't have thought like that. Alie broke him, don't forget that. ”  
“I'm trying to.”  
She sat down, she hated it when she had to look down on him.  
“You're fine with the vote, aren't you?”  
“I am.”  
“You just didn't seem to be happy about how things turned out.”

“No, it's just- I needed a moment.”  
He looked down. It wasn't the fact that he was chancellor again. It was the timing. He didn't know if he was ready to lead his people. He wasn't the role model who a chancellor should be for his people.  
“Is it all going too fast?”  
“No.”  
He answered without hesitation but she knew. Her look saddened.  
“Marcus, you don't have to lie to me.”  
She waited for him to talk first. He couldn't go on like this, he had to start telling the truth. It wouldn't help him if he just continued to play everything down. At least he could start telling her what he thought about the election.  
“A little bit.”  
She placed her hand on his arm and got his attention back.  
“That's okay. We can talk about it and we can find another way to work things out.”  
“Ok.”

It was a start. It was always a start and then she thought it would be alright, that they were heading into the right direction. And then they took a step back and they had to do everything all over again. It would take a lot of time to repair things. And she was ok with that if they would have repaired it in the end. They just had to have hope. And she had hope.  
“I think there's a lot of paper work waiting for me. I-”  
“Us.”  
“You don't have to start working today.”  
“I thought we would talk about these things.”  
“Yes we will, but I'm your doctor and I think you shouldn't start that soon.”  
“It is paper work, Abby. I'm not asking you if I can take a shift tomorrow. I know I can't. I just want to do something other than lying around. Something useful. And I don't think that paper work could damage anything.”  
She smiled. He was right.  
“Ok. I'm going to pick up the things from the chancellor's office. I'll be right back.”

She came back with a pile of papers.  
“I think they worked more in those couple of days than in a whole month. You're stopping immediately when you're not feeling well, ok?”  
“Yes.”  
He was about to sit up, but as he was halfway there he couldn't go any further and stucked in that position, his arms on the cot were holding him.  
“Alright. Come on, I help you.”  
He looked disappointed but he didn't say a thing.

They read reports for almost an hour when he became too tired to concentrate. He laid the report in his lap. She looked up from her papers.  
“I'm sorry but I can't read any further.”  
“You don't have to. I appreciate that you're helping me with this.”  
“We're both chancellors.”  
“Not until I declare you as fit for work. Until then, you're chancellor off-duty. I don't talk about making decisions but I talk about everything else. We wanted to take it easy, right?”  
“Yes. I think I should sleep a little bit.”  
“Yes, you should.”  
She helped him lying back down.  
“I'm going to read a little more before I'm going to sleep. But it won't be that long.”  
“Ok. Goodnight, Abby.”  
“Goodnight, Marcus.”

She really wanted to know what was going on. She really did. But she just didn't understand what Raven was talking about. She could write about something which didn't exist and Abby wouldn't notice. She prefered talking to her so she could ask what the hell was going on with those machines but she didn't have time last week. She laid the report down in her lap. She trusted Raven, she knew what she was doing.  
She looked at Marcus. She could see how he was dreaming. His eyelids were shut but his eyes were moving. He turned his face to the other side so she could just see his hair. They had come so far. Even if they had fallen a few steps back since last week they gave their best to rebuild it. And that was all they could do. Looking forward and restore. His hand grabbed the blanket and she could hear a quiet 'No'. She stood up and laid the papers on the chair.  
“Let her go..”  
She knew what his pleading words were about. Her hand was just reaching for his shoulder- ready to wake him up- but he was a little faster.  
“Please!”  
His eyes snapped open. She jumped, pulled her hand back and he started gasping for air.  
“It's okay, Marcus. Everything is alright.”  
She cupped his face and came closer.  
“We're fine.”  
He looked at her, he was slowly coming back to reality.

Dream. It was just a dream. Well, it wasn't really but just a few seconds ago he had dreamed. A nightmare. One which won't stop anytime soon. It will haunt him forever.  
“Marcus, are you okay?”  
It won't stop. It will never stop.  
“Marcus?”  
He hadn't realised that she had been talking to him.  
“Yes?”  
“Are you alright?”  
He nodded. She lowered her hands and squeezed his hand.  
“I'm just going to switch off the lights.”  
After a few seconds she came back. She put off her shoes, lifted the blanket and laid down next to him. He was still a little tensed. She grabbed his hand.  
“Will it ever be the same again?”  
He was looking at the ceiling.  
“I don't know.”  
He pulled her closer and she buried her face into his shoulder.

~

“I think we can start today.”  
“Start what?”  
He looked confused. It was around midday and Abby just came back from her quarters.  
“Working on your leg.”  
Her smile faded as he didn't show any kind of reaction. He didn't even give her the slightest hint of what he was thinking.  
“What do you think?”  
He looked at her and from one second to the other he let her in. She could see that he was afraid of finding out that his leg might not be curable. That he was afraid of losing the ability of doing whatever he wants to do. He looked down.  
“Alright, when do we start?”  
“Now.”

As she lifted the blanket from his right side, she stood next to his leg so she could see every movement he would try to make.  
“Ok. First of all, I want you to tell me if a movement hurts. Second, don't try to play the pain down, we're doing this with the least amount of pain. Do you understand?”  
“Yes.”  
“Alright. I want you to move your toes. Can you do that?”  
Her gaze went to his toes which moved a bit and then back to his face.  
“How does it feel?”  
“It's ok.”  
She sighed. He was one hell of a patient.  
“What does ok mean? Does it hurt? A lot?”  
“A little.”  
“Ok. I'm going to lift it up a bit. Please tell me immediately if something hurts.”

She had her hands around his leg, a few inches above the cot. It hurt a little more than moving his toes but not that much. Not enough to spit it out. He wanted to know were he was at but he wouldn't find that out if she would stop because he was in pain. He got used to it. She began to bend it slowly and after a few seconds he couldn't bear it any longer. His hands gripped the sides of the cot and a groan left his mouth.  
“I'm sorry.”  
Her hands bent his leg carefully to his previous state.  
“You should tell me immediately, Marcus!”  
“It wasn't that bad, Abby.”  
“Your bad doesn't count!”  
She laid his leg back down and sat down next to his side.  
“Marcus, it won't work that way. You have to tell me. Otherwise it'll just get worse.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
A tear made its way down his face and he looked down. Her hand lifted his chin so he had to look at her.  
“I will do my best, Marcus. This is the first day, don't think your leg will stay like this. It will take time but it will get better.”  
He gave her a sad smile, her thumb wiped his tear away.  
“Come on, we're going to do this again. And this time you're going to tell me when you're in pain.”

She tried a few things and after half an hour she knew what she needed to know. And he was exhausted, she could see that. She laid the blanket over his leg and sat down on the chair.  
“We're going to continue this tomorrow. We have to wait with a lot of exercises but we can do a few.”  
“What do you think, is it going to work?”  
“We'll have to wait and see.”  
She grabbed his hand.  
“But I have hope.”  
He smiled and squeezed her hand.

~

Abby had just left to grab some food for dinner as Clarke entered.  
“Your mom just left. You can catch her in the mess hall or you can wait, I'm sure she will be back in a few minutes.”  
She let out a little laugh and he furrowed. She went toward the chair next to him.  
“Actually I came here because of you.”  
He still looked confused.  
“I'm sorry that I hadn't asked earlier but-” She looked at him. “How are you?”  
“You didn't have to. Quite good, I guess.”  
She nodded.  
“Good. I wanted to. I just, I didn't know if it would make.. I don't know.”  
“Things worse?”  
Both started to grin. She looked at her boots.  
“Maybe.”  
They both remained silent, until Marcus spoke again.  
“Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
She looked up, not knowing what he was talking about.  
“For asking. For being here right now.”  
She smiled.

“You know, my mom told me some things and I- I just want to put those right.”  
Of course she had told her. And that was the reason why she was now sitting in front of him.  
“Clarke, you don't have to-”  
“No. I want to tell you that this wasn't the truth. I don't think like that. I don't blame you. You're not that man anymore.”  
He had to fight back tears which tried to spill over. As he had himself under control again, he tried to find the right words.  
“I'm sorry.”  
She shook her head.  
“You don't have to be sorry for anything.” She placed a hand on his arm. “I'm glad that you're on her side. And on ours, Chancellor.”  
“That means a lot, Clarke. And I'm glad you're there for her too.”  
Both had a little smile on their face.

“I'm not sure what this is but Octavia told me that we have to try-”  
She hadn't expected the sight of her daughter sitting on the chair, her hand lying on Marcus' arm, both looking like something heavy had been lifted from their shoulders. She smiled widely.  
“It won't kill you though if Octavia told you that. Except you got into trouble with her.”  
Both had to grin at Clarkes' words.  
“I don't think so.”  
She placed the plates on the table and went back to the cot to sit down next to Marcus' side. A warm feeling expanded in her body. They sat like that and talked for a few more minutes. All three of them. Her little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I would love to know what you guys think about this, so please leave some comments :-)


	6. You wouldn't like me

One week later, he could feel and see the progress they had made. He could sit up on his own, he could move his leg up and down and Abby could bend his leg way further than she could in the beginning. Every day he was looking forward to therapy so he could do more than the last session. It was working.

Her patient left and she went to her desk to fill out the report. As she looked up, Marcus was still reading a report. He sat on his cot, concentrated. He had lost weight the last two weeks. Of course he had, he couldn't leave his cot and he wasn't eating much. His weight was still in a non concerning area but it was really hard for her to watch him getting thinner. She had never seen him that skinny. One day ago she had wanted to check on his stitches on his stomach so he had to lift his shirt. She had stared a little too long and he hadn't looked at her until she had explained the situation. It wasn't his fault, it was just not right for her. She could see his cheekbones more than ever and his right leg had lost a lot of muscles. He didn't look as healthy as he used to do. That was the physical part. Mentally, he was way more stable than in the beginning. They were talking about things and he just had one nightmare in one week. But she knew he wasn't talking about everything which stressed him out. But in general, they were making progress.

~

“No.”  
“Abby, we need these routes.”  
“Yes, but there has to be another way.”  
He had to grin a little bit. They were discussing opening new trade routes for ten minutes now. And both knew it would be the best move. But the leader of the tribe of the village they would need to cross wanted to meet the leader of skaikru. And he couldn't go, so she had to. But she didn't want to leave him, the meeting would take two days.  
“Listen, there is no other way. Besides, we don't need one because you can leave tomorrow. I think I'll be able to run the camp for two days, don't you think?”  
“You know that this is not about me questioning your ability of being chancellor, Marcus. This is just about you.”  
“And I'm fine.”  
“I know you are.”  
“Then what's the problem?”  
She waited a few seconds before she spoke again.  
“I haven't left once, Marcus. You can't be sure that everything will be fine.”  
He took her hand.  
“I'm not alone, Abby. It's going to be fine.”  
They looked at each other for a moment.  
“Alright. I'm going to show Jackson the exercises, he will do it the next two days. Clarke will bring you the papers, she can-”  
“Abby.”  
“I'm sorry.” She squeezed his hand. “I'm just not sure if this is a good idea, so let me at least organize some things.”  
“It is a good idea.”  
“Alright, I'm going to get Jackson.”  
She kissed him and left medical.

She showed Jackson a few things and he tried by himself while Abby was watching. She knew he could do it, she just wanted to double check everything before she would leave.  
“And if he says 'it hurts a little', stop immediately.”  
“I think I have everything under control.”  
“I'm not that bad.”  
Jackson grinned and Abby let out a little laugh.  
“No, you're even worse.”  
He tried to look serious, but after a second he had to smile. She wasn't that wrong. It felt good to just start smiling. He couldn't even remember the last time he had laughed. He looked at Abby and Jackson and knew that they were thinking the exact same thing.

“I wish I didn't have to go.”  
“You will be back before you even realize you were gone.”  
“I hope so.”  
She came closer and leaned in for a kiss. After a while he pulled back.  
“Then, good luck with their leader.”  
She sighed.  
“I wish you could talk to her. You're better in things like that.”  
“I'm convinced you will do a great job.”  
She smiled and took his hand.  
“I have to go now, the others are waiting.”  
His expression changed, his next words explained why.  
“I love you.”  
She gave him a half smile, her mind threw her back to that day too. She squeezed his hand.  
“I love you, too.”  
They looked at each other for one more moment, then their hands parted and she left.

~

The day went on, Bellamy had brought food and Clarke had picked up papers from the chancellor's office. It was almost dark outside as he noticed no one would come to take over the shift in medical. Jackson couldn't stay there for two days but Abby would've never left without being convinced that he wouldn't be alone. He turned to Jackson.  
“You're not going to stay in medical, are you?”  
He looked up.  
“No, I'm not.”  
“Good, because I don't need somebody wasting his time by keeping an eye on me.”  
Jackson grinned at his words and went to his cot.  
“You can be glad Abby isn't here to hear that. And I have to disappoint you. If you thought just for one moment that she had left without organizing everything, then-”  
“I know I'm late but Raven couldn't stop talking.”  
Octavia entered with a wide smile. She looked to the second cot on the opposite wall.  
“Am I sleeping without a blanket?”  
Jackson grinned and pointed at the corner.  
“I think you are able to get it yourself.”  
Marcus was completely unable to cope with that situation. He sat on the cot and looked lost.  
“You don't have to-”  
“We can skip that part Kane, this is an order from the chancellor.”  
“You know that I'm chancellor too, right?”  
She had to think about it for a moment.  
“Yes, but I think I'm on her side.”  
“That's the right decision.”  
Jackson patted her on the back.  
“I will be in my room if you need me.”  
“Alright.”  
He left medical and Octavia stood in front of Marcus who still looked confused.

“I really appreciate your presence, Octavia. But if you have anything better to do, you can leave. That's fine.”  
She pretended to think about his offer, then she looked back at him.  
“No, I haven't.”  
She went to the back and grabbed herself a pillow and a blanket. She threw the stuff on her cot and leaned on the side of it.  
“You know, Abby already told me you would try to push me out of here. But guess what, you can't.”  
He started to laugh.  
“I'm not going to push you out of here. I just don't-”  
“Then just don't try it.”  
“Alright.”

After an hour, Marcus was still reading reports. As he looked to his side, he saw Octavia lying on the cot with her face to the wall. She was looking at something but he couldn't make out what it was. It wasn't his right to know, so he looked back at his paper. After a while, she shifted a bit and he could see what she was looking at. Lincoln's book. She always seemed so happy, he asked himself if she ever let herself fall apart. Maybe when she was alone, he had been like that too. How times had changed.

He had finished his report and laid the papers down on the chair. As he looked up again, Octavia had turned.  
“Do you wanna sleep?”  
“I think so. You can do whatever you want, I can sleep like that.”  
“No, it's fine. I'm going to switch off the light.”  
She stood up.

As she went back to her cot, she saw his blanket slipping down to the ground. He was already bending himself down as she realized that this wouldn't end well. She rushed to him.  
“Wait, I can do that.”  
He stopped with his jaw clenched, he had put a little too much pressure on his leg. She picked up the blanket while he was easing himself back. He let out a shaky breath.  
“Everything okay?”  
She looked at him with concerned eyes and laid the blanket over his body.  
“Yes, thank you.”  
“Now I know why Abby was so determined to get someone who could sleep in medical.”  
He blushed slightly. She put a hand on his arm.  
“Before you start complaining, I wanted to do it. Goodnight, Kane.”  
“Goodnight, Octavia.”

As he woke up, Jackson was already sitting in the back and Octavia was gone. But the night had gone well. He couldn't sleep at first, he had missed Abby, but after a while he had drifted away. He was surprised that everything was alright.  
“Morning.”  
Jackson stood up and went toward him.  
“Morning.”  
“I'm going to get you something to eat.”  
“It's fine, Jackson. I'm not-”  
“Order from the chancellor.”  
“Of course.”  
They both had to smile. She knew him and she was right, he had to eat more. First he hadn't noticed his weight loss but after more and more people had looked at him with concerned eyes, he had guessed something was wrong. Two days ago Abby had wanted to check on his stitches. As she hadn't moved for seconds and had just stared at him, he had known why. He didn't know what he could do to gain weight, he wasn't hungry at all.  
“I'll be right back.”

The day went on and in the afternoon, Jackson dismissed his last patient. He turned around to find Kane staring at the wall, deep in thoughts. He didn't know how but he looked better and worse with each day. Better because he made progress mentally and physically which you could see as soon as you looked at him. On the other hand worse because it was a fact that he had lost pounds. He just didn't look healthy as usual. But he was sure it was just a matter of time until he would do again. He was chained to a bed and couldn't do anything other than reading reports. It was no surprise how it affected his body.  
“Are you ready?”  
He jumped.  
“Eh- yeah, sorry.”  
He still looked as he wouldn't be present.  
“Is everything alright?”  
Kane looked up into his eyes and nodded. He wasn't quite convinced but they weren't as close as others were. He couldn't ask any further.  
“Alright. Let's start.”

~

The night started as the last one. Octavia came in, Jackson left and there were just the two of them. He had caught up with all reports. He had never thought this would be possible but apparently he had too much time. Now he had nothing to do, no one needed him for anything. He was useless. He had never felt like this before, he never had a minute to breathe, there was always something that had to be done. Laying and sitting on a cot for over two weeks now, he was close to freak out. He needed to talk to Abby, they had to figure something out. He was tired. He was always tired, there was nothing else left for him than to sleep. Except staring at the wall but he wasn't in the mood for overthinking. So he chose the darkness which welcomed him with its daily comfort.

He woke up as he heard her voice in the middle of the night.  
“No, don't do it.”  
He opened his eyes. He could only see her back but her body was tensed.  
“Please, not him.”  
He knew what she was talking about. 'Not him' – Lincoln. He wanted to get up, wanted to walk over and wake her up. But of course he couldn't. He was calling her name as he sat up.  
“Octavia.”  
She didn't react.  
“No..”  
He heard her voice break, he knew what had happened. He saw him falling too. He called her louder this time.  
“Octavia!”  
She jumped a bit and tried to hide that she was catching her breath. But he didn't need to see it because he knew the process by heart. He knew that sometimes, the only thing you needed after a bad night was someone by your side. And it killed him that he couldn't even do something simple like that. Someone else would have said something like 'everything is ok' or 'it was just a dream' but he knew it wasn't. He went with the question that mattered most.  
“Are you alright?”  
She turned around. Her following nod didn't convince him at all. She looked to the ground and tried to order her thoughts. He heard himself asking before he even realized what he was doing.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
She looked up and the following glare made him regret every single word he had said.

It wasn't his fault. She had never talked about it before. She had never wanted to do it. Because that was not who she was. But otherwise, who was she? She saw him dropping his gaze. Hurting him hadn't been her intension at all. She tried to explain.  
“I'm sorry, I didn't-”  
He looked up, regret was almost consuming him. She was one hell of a watchman.  
“No, I get it. I'm not-”  
“I want to talk about it.”  
He was almost as surprised as her. She started to stutter.  
“I- I don't know, I think I- I've never done that before so.. I'm not quite sure if-”  
“Octavia.”

She was completely lost, he had never seen her like this before.  
“Sorry.”  
“You don't have to be.”  
He didn't know what to say or what would be appropriate. He didn't even know how to start, he had never been in a situation like that. He was just overwhelmed. And she was too. She should decide what would be the best for her, how she would feel comfortable. Or should he ask her? But he wasn't-  
“Can I come over?”  
He let out a little sigh, glad that she could act a little more grown-up than he could. He had never comforted others before. That was the price you had to pay when you grew up alone. And until this day, he had never thought it would be a loss.  
“Yes, of course.”

She sat down on his cot between his legs, hers carefully bent over his right one. Her head was leaning against the wall, her eyes were closed. He was leaning against the wall with his side. They were close but not too close. Close enough to comfort each other but not without the permission of the other one. There was a thin line between them and they were both careful not to break it.  
“He was my home.”  
Her voice broke at the last word and as she opened her eyes, they were already filled with tears. Completely lost, her eyes were searching for his, waiting for a reaction. 

He was so sorry for her. That would be the last thing she would want to hear from him but he truly was. She had lost everything that day. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if Abby– no, he couldn't. He looked at her, her desperation broke a wall inside of him. As the first tear made its way down his face, he tried to find comforting words but there was nothing he could think of. So he went with the truth.  
“I know.”

As she had already moved a few inches toward him, she stopped. Maybe he didn't want to comfort her, maybe this was too much. She wasn't his problem. A firm arm pulled her closer and out of her doubts. She let out a heart-wrenching sob before she started to cry, her face buried into his shoulder.

~

As Jackson entered medical, both were still lying on their cots, asleep. Octavia was lying on her side and he could see her face. She looked like Kane, who was lying on his back. It had been a long night, obviously. Two days ago, he had told Abby that he didn't understand why Octavia was looking forward to sleep in medical. Now he knew. She didn't want to be alone, even if it was just for two nights. Abby had been right. She needed him as much as he needed her.

He felt the stare before he woke up. Someone was watching him. As he opened his eyes, Jackson looked down quickly.  
“Everything's fine?”  
Jackson blushed and nodded.  
“Yes, I- sorry, I didn't want to stare at you.”  
“Forget about it.”  
He looked at the second cot and found Octavia facing him, still asleep. Sleep she definitely deserved, they had been awake for hours last night. Talking, thinking, crying, laughing. And six hours later, he knew more about Octavia than he had ever believed he did. And she knew much more about him too.  
“I think you should get a bit more sleep. I really didn't want to wake you.”  
He hadn't even noticed that he was still tired. He nodded thankfully and Jackson went to his table. Abby. She would come back soon. And he didn't want to concern her by not sleeping enough. He closed his eyes and went to sleep within minutes.

They drove through the gates of Arkadia and she couldn't wait to leave the rover and go straight to medical. She needed to see if everything was okay. She knew Jackson would have everything under control. She trusted him. She would trust him with her life. But she had to see him. The rover stopped and she walked fast-paced towards medical. As she entered, Jackson looked up and smiled. She smiled back and looked to her right, just to find Marcus asleep. Noticing Octavia to her left sleeping as well, all the weight fell off her shoulders. She walked to Jackson, her smile didn't fade away.  
“Hey, Jackson.”  
“Welcome home, Abby. How did it go?”  
“She's kind of impressive. But a great leader. And I think I left a good impression, everything is alright. How are they?”  
They. She didn't mean to ask that but she wanted to know. They've spend the last two nights together. Two broken people. They.  
“They're good, I think. Last night had been a bit longer than usual, I think. Besides, everything's the same. Nothing happened.”  
“Thank you for keeping an eye on them. On him.”  
“Sure. And now go, take some time for yourself.”  
“I will just take a shower, I will be back in a bit.”  
He had to grin slightly.  
“I know. Are you hungry? I can get some food for everyone.”  
She caught herself thinking about the last time she had eaten something. She couldn't remember.  
“Yes, that would be great. Thank you, Jackson.”  
He nodded. As she turned towards the door, she looked at Marcus for a second, his chest was rising steadily. Everything was okay.

~

He woke up feeling observed, again. But this time it wasn't Jackson but Octavia. As he looked at her she dropped her gaze.  
“Where is Jackson?”  
She looked back at him.  
“There hasn't been somebody else here since I woke up.”  
“Hm. Maybe he had to get something.”  
“Maybe.”  
She was staring at him. It was this uncomfortable stare, the one someone used while thinking about the person he was staring at.  
“Could you please stop staring at me?”  
She jumped slightly and looked back down.  
“Sorry.”  
“What is it?”

She had to stop. She was acting absolutely awkward but she just couldn't stop thinking about last night. Their conversations. There had been so much she didn't know about him. And she was sure that she still knew a very little part of him. But still, there were so many things she had never thought about. That he was , besides being a leader, still a human. That he had a past, too.  
“Nothing. I just- I think I have to process some things..”  
He looked kind of worried. Damn it, why did he always care so much?  
“Process what?”  
She let out a sigh.  
“Information, Kane. Maybe I can't cope with this much honesty as well as you do.”  
He started laughing and she had to grin. That was when someone walked through the door. Not someone, it was-

“Abby.”  
Her name had already left his mouth as he processed he had said it out loud. She grinned. Her wet hair laid over her right shoulder, it fitted her perfectly. She went to his cot and kissed him for a few seconds. As their lips parted, she looked at him.  
“I missed you.”  
“Yeah, I missed you, too.”  
She smiled and was about to kiss him again as someone cleared his throat.  
“Guys, you are not alone.”  
Abby stopped and blushed.  
“Sorry. It's good to see you, too.”  
“You too, doc. You don't have to kiss me though.”  
As they started laughing Jackson came in with some plates filled with food.  
“Breakfast anyone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> As always, it would mean a lot to me to get some feedback (positive&negative), otherwise I'll never get better at writing!  
> If you liked it, kudos are of course very much appreciated ♥


End file.
